I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
