she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
