You work out of a Hotel?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
