Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
