i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
