Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
