let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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