All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
