watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Alive.
So much puke
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
