Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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