Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
