I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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