I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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