So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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