Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
