Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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