Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
