please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
