What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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