Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
