man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
