I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
