i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
