just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
