So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
