i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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