despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
