Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
