Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
