im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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