I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
