too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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