What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
