Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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