They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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