and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I party with great urgency now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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