i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
