when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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