That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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