my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
