I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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