I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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