i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The ass gains better be worth it
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