just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
