the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
