my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
