I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
