My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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