All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
