I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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