i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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