I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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