Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
