He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
