I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
