Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
