Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
